


and nothing’s ever changing (loving what your heart becomes)

by comfortcrowd



Category: Legacies (TV 2018)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Heretic!Josie, Sad boi hours, Song fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-06
Updated: 2019-08-06
Packaged: 2020-08-10 10:28:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20133961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/comfortcrowd/pseuds/comfortcrowd
Summary: She frowns at herself in the mirror at the shop, a flowy, light yellow sundress that compliments her curves and skin colour. When imagining being at a wedding with Hope Mikaelson, she was always wearing white.OrJosie is selfless one last time and it tears her apart.





	and nothing’s ever changing (loving what your heart becomes)

**Author's Note:**

> Song is Get Low by James Vincent McMorrow. 10/10 for sad boi hours

_ Heard you’re getting married / Everybody say it / Greatest man alive / I’ve been told _

Josie hears the news a week before the official announcement, when she and Lizzie are catching up over coffees and she notices the excited buzz that seems to radiate from her twin.

It makes her uneasy, like a part of her already knows what Lizzie is happy about isn’t good news for herself, but she holds off for as long as she can before the blonde is practically vibrating in her seat.

She knew it would happen eventually, so she supposes she can’t be surprised when her twin finally gushes, “We’re getting married!”

Oh.

She tries not to think about when she was seventeen and dreaming of her own special day, her hair done in delicate curls and her mother’s warm smile. The thought of an always and forever with the love of her life, falling back to the same person over and over and over.

Josie smiles politely, goes through the motions she’s familiar with in order to look happy even though she’s crumbling around the edges. “I’m so happy for you!”

It’s been three years of that lie, how hard can a lifetime more be? 

  


_ Bought yourselves a diamond / Finally getting paid / Buying people’s silence / They’re afraid _

The diamond is large, which Josie assumes comes from the huge Mikaelson fortune — the same thing paying for what her mother refers to as the “Wedding of the Century”. 

When she was eighteen and thought she had life figured out, she’d search through photos of her mother and Stefan Salvatore’s wedding and dream of her own. When she and Hope would lay on the roof of the school and point out constellations, Josie couldn’t help but imagine the auburn haired girl as her true love.

Whenever Caroline described what she had with Stefan, Josie would see herself in the arms of Hope, protected and loved. Would often compare their love stories to some of the greats, though looking back on it, she sees that as one of the reasons why she expected so much from a teen love.

The wedding is inside a farmhouse outside of Mystic Falls, at least that’s what she hears from Lizzie while she and some of Lizzie’s other friends are trying on bridesmaids dresses at a local dress shop in town. The blonde twin asks if she wants to help decorate the barn with her and Josie agrees (because that’s what a good sister does). 

She frowns at herself in the mirror at the shop, a flowy, light yellow sundress that compliments her curves and skin colour. When imagining being at a wedding with Hope Mikaelson, she was always wearing white.

  


_ Constant threat of violence, it works / It can get you so far / End up feeling worse, it’s cold / Then you’re left with no one _

There’s a clearing near the forest on the school property that Josie found when she was little and wanted time away from her sister. It’s farther out than the pier where her father spars with Hope, but it’s peaceful and worth the extra couple miles. 

She cleaned it up when she was fifteen and strung fairy lights across the trees to illuminate the grass, and there’s a chest full of blankets and pillows off to the side for when she stays for a while to read.

Josie hasn’t visited here in a long while, not since the night she was resting on one of the blankets listening to music from an old radio and no one could contact her. Not since she was twenty one, a few months before the merge, no cure found, and a shadow crept from behind one of the trees.

Josie hasn’t visited the clearing since she drifted off a human and awoke a vampire. Every time she thinks of this spot, a shiver runs up her spine and she remembers this as the turning point.

This is where she lost her innocence and her patience. This is where she lost all love from Hope Mikaelson, because she could see her girlfriend’s longing looks to her sister, and their little touches, and their inside jokes, and when Josie turned into a vampire she finally understood the appeal in turning off your emotions.

Because her mother and father always said she was _ too _ emotional. _ Too _ caring. _ Too _ thoughtful. She figured she’d be _ too _ devastated when she told Hope she would let her go, that her girlfriend and her sister could be together.

So she turned it off, moments after becoming a vampire, and she drained the blood of a student near the edge of the forest named Jacob until he fell to his knees.

As she stands in the clearing now, all she can hear is the quiet sob that she barely registers as her own voice, and the rush of water against rocks.

She’s alone now and somehow it feels worse than when she knew Hope fell in love with someone else.

  


_ I love the way your heart had no rules / Loving what your heart becomes / Even when you smile, you’re still cruel / Loving what your heart becomes _

The wedding is beautiful, which sits bitter on Josie’s tongue as she finishes the final touches on one of the bows for a pew and sighs.

There’s a spot in the front row on Lizzie’s side, reserving a seat for their biological mother Josette. On Hope’s side there are three, reserved for her uncle Elijah, her father Klaus, and mother Hayley.

She remembers talking to Hope once about the sentiment, giving their loved ones seats at their wedding in their honour. She muses that her sister and Hope had the same talk and wonders how many talks they’ve had that started with her and Hope first.

The wedding is perfect, planned to a T by Josie and her mother, and it feels more like her own than her sister’s.

Hope has wandered into the barn a few times to oversee what was happening. Josie makes sure not to look her in her eyes. She knows what those blue eyes do to her — they usually look at her now with concern. Josie wishes the other girl looked at her the way she used to.

People trail in not long after she finishes the sign-in table. Family and friends from the years greet her as they leave loving notes for the couple to look back on. And Josie sits behind the table, overlooking it all, trying her hardest not to leave a backhanded comment full of malice.

That’s not what a good sister would do. She even considers getting her mother to open the bar before cocktail hour so she can’t remember this day tomorrow, but that would be selfish. Josie needs to be the perfect sister today and that means being sober.

Everyone is settled in their seats and Josie heads to behind the barn where everyone is getting prepared. She saw Lizzie put on the dress not too long ago, dolled up in makeup, dressed as a princess.

The groomsmen and bridesmaids are paired up and ready, Josie settles in her spot beside MG. When she looks behind her she sees Hope in her simple white dress and her mouth goes dry. The auburn haired girl’s arm is looped loosely around her aunt Freya’s (just like they planned). Hope catches her gaze and their eyes settle on each other, drinking them in. 

Hope smiles, wide and unapologetic with joy, and Josie returns it with less enthusiasm. 

She just wants the day to be over with.

  


_ Remember when my hands, they turned blue / Loving what your heart becomes / I love the way you hang with no fools / Loving what your heart becomes _

She grips the glass a little stronger than she means to, only a few drinks in, and the glass cracks around her hand. She can feel the glass pinching against her skin but she welcomes the feeling, the distraction from seeing _ Hope and Lizzie _, newly married, happily in love.

The fresh air helps when she steps outside. There’s only a few stragglers, mostly distant family enjoying a cigarette and a softer conversation. She stays by herself however, enjoying the comfortable silence so she can sulk appropriately. Her hand is bleeding. She can feel the crimson blood trickle down her wrist but doesn’t think too much of it, knowing it’ll heal soon.

She could leave now and no one would even know she left. Slip into the darkness with a bottle of expensive liquor and call it a night. Or fall into a hotel room with an old friend for an evening of distractions. She’s about to head back so she can compel the bartender to give her a bottle before a voice speaks up behind her.

“Getting tired of the party already?” The auburn haired girl asks, her brow raised.

She looks so beautiful in her dress. Hair pulled up in a tidy bun with some loose curls framing her face. Josie remembers that she never wanted a big wedding, just something small with close family and friends, but she’s sure her sister talked the other girl into it. 

Josie shrugs noncommittally. “Feels weird being here. Like I don’t fit.”

Hope’s eyes soften and her hand reaches out to Josie, but the brunette stumbles to take a step back. “Don’t,” she warns, head spinning. “Please don’t touch me.”

“Okay,” Hope speaks softly, like she’s afraid to scare Josie away. 

Like she’s fragile and could easily be broken. People have been treating her a lot like that since she got turned, but it hurts more coming from the girl who was supposed to be her rock during it all.

“I just…” Josie sighs frustratedly and keeps her eyes grounded to the grass. “I need a bottle of whatever is strongest and to get out of here.”

Hope looks a little surprised but does a good job of hiding most of it. Josie knows her too well though, can see through the knit eyebrows and small frown. The other girl doesn’t know her anymore though. Josie isn’t soft around the edges like she used to be. Now she makes the irrational decisions she would scold her sister about only a few years ago. 

“I can get you a bottle and we can talk?” The other girl looks hopeful, watching Josie with those damn blue eyes.

Josie hums disapprovingly and shakes her head. “I’ll just get the damn thing myself.”

When she passes Hope, it’s like everything comes crashing down around her. She can smell mint and cedarwood, mixed with the alcohol from the bar, and her senses are suddenly assaulted by all things Hope Mikaelson. She nearly throws up, but continues her hard strides until she reaches the open bar and looks into the man’s eyes.

She leaves with a bottle of vodka and doesn’t spare anyone a second glance, even when she feels a set of blue eyes fixed on her, watching her carefully.

  


_ Gather in a circle / Dropping to our knees / Praying for forgiveness from you / Begging please _

There’s a woman outside on the street with dazzling blue eyes and a wicked smile, and Josie swears she looks so much like Hope is scares her.

The woman gets them a ride home and her touches linger on Josie’s skin for a while, sending chills across her arm and goosebumps appear. 

She’s light haired and pale, her skin even lighter in the moonlight. Her voice is rough when she speaks. “Can I take you home with me?”

Josie nods, her hold on the neck of the bottle tighter. The woman is alluring and beautiful and is a lookalike, but it draws Josie in so she can drown in her. 

The hotel room is the best Mystic Falls can offer, but all Josie needs is the bed. She falls to her knees and finds purchase between the other girl’s legs. Her tongue works ravishingly, licking as much as she can until the woman above her lets out a soft whimper, softer than Hope, and Josie adds fingers.

She wants to hear Hope beg for her, come in her mouth and kiss her afterwards. The woman is louder and tastes different and is so very not Hope, but when it’s her turn to lay on her back on the bed and feels a warm mouth trail down her neck, she closes her eyes shut and imagines Hope over her. 

The woman’s fingers fit differently. They’re a bit thicker and shorter but the pain from the stretch is welcomed, short moans from Josie filling the air.

She can see Hope and her competitive smirk, and her bright blue eyes, and her auburn hair. She runs a hand through the woman’s and it stops shorter than Hope’s does. 

She comes undone when she imagines Hope looking at her from between her legs, asking her to come for her, and when the woman comes back up and kisses Josie softly, she swears she tastes Hope.


End file.
